How did I get into blogging? I don’t even really know. This goes back to 2007. I remember searching for a site to blog from. I started one place (I dont remember the name) and quickly found blogspot and the rest is history.
I am a writer, always have been. I tried to publish a book of poems at age 8. I didn’t go to college for writing and have no training except trial and error and learning from other authors. There was never a question in my mind that I would publish a book someday. The genre or topic didn’t matter; I just knew it would happen. Nancy Drew was my idol. I can’t tell you how many times i started a mystery novel modeled after ND.
As I grew older some topics came to mind for a novel but I discovered that I am mostly interested in real life. I am good at writing essays and poems but manuscripts are very daunting to me. How do I take an idea and expand it into a 150 page book? I was told to just write and think about organizing it later. I am taking that advice. My desire for real life stories is why I like blogging. This venue gives me the opportunity to talk about things that are important to me and practice my craft. It is rewarding that people are reading my entries, commenting and even praising them. I am grateful for that. We are our own worst critic and hearing people tell me that my writing is inspiring is unexpected and wonderful.

My first blog is about our experience with infertility and our decision to adopt and subsequently all the steps that came along with that decision. It was meant to be read by family and friends, but I found that the link was passed on to friends of friends and then some. This is how the idea that I (me and my husband) could help people by telling our story. We could inspire and educate. We could celebrate the evolution of our experience and the pure joy of its result- our son. We could also reflect on all we had been through- which was a lot.

Telling the raw details of our IF experiences made them real. No one really knew what had taken place in our lives for the prior four years. They didn’t know about the 18 guage needles, the ectopic pregnancy that was ended with our unsympathetic doctor saying, “It’s ectopic. You need to abort the embryo today- now.” No kind words. No one knew that our hearts had been crushed with grief with the thought that a child would not be a part of our lives.
As I kept writing, I realized, they needed to know. People need to know. Education is the catalyst for understanding and sympathizing. If I could change the opinion or outlook of one person, maybe they would refrain themselves from saying something insensitive about adoption or infertility.

The day I ended my first blog was sad. I cried as I wrote the last entry. At the time I didn’t see a need to continue on with the blog, but I also couldn’t envision beginning a new one. I was busy with my son and being a mom. Who wanted to hear about our lives raising Fyn? Then it occurred to me, I didn’t care. His blog is a journal for him to have always and forever. It is my baby book, my scrapbooking, my video collection. Even at this moment I don’t know how long I will continue to blog about our family life. I know that many people don’t understand blogging or why I write about our life. Believe me, it is not because I believe in voyeurism. I don’t like Reality TV shows that don’t serve a good purpose or celebrity tabloids that exploit people and their privacy. I am not trying to expose myself or my family in a negative way- just an honest way, a way for friends and family to catch up on Finn and for others to learn that there is life after IF. For us adoption was a wonderful way to fulfill dreams of parenthood.

This blog connected with the non profit, Parenthood for Me, Inc. was a no brainer and luckily at that point I had some experience under my belt. But, I was in no way prepared for “The Blogosphere.” When I found Mel, I thought, ” I have a lot of work to do.” Of coarse I wanted my non profit’s blog to be resourceful, interesting, popular but I had no idea what I would be aspiring to become (not that I could ever accomplish what Stirrup Queen or other blogs have accomplished). I just want to prove to be useful to readers and followers. I want to continue to enjoy creating my blog and making it better and better. It is part of the work I am doing for the non-profit. In fact, the blogosphere is turning out to be the biggest tool I could ever have imagined for building our non-profit.
Thank you to my supporters as of now and thank you to all future supporters of Parenthood for Me. We are growing everyday with the help of reaching out to those in our community and our blogging community. I take a little bit from every person I meet on the IF and adoption blog circle. I learn a little everyday on how to be a better writer and organizer of information for those that need help and guidance. I aim to make my non profit a success for those that needs its support. Through others hard work and heartfelt blogs I gain momentum and inspiration to continue on.

The Realities of Adoption

Adoption and Society

Facts About Infertility

I have been reading so many blogs lately. There seems to be thousands of infertility, adoption, miscarriage and loss blogs. I try to leave comments on most of them to introduce myself, my story, and our non profit. I follow a few blogs but regret that I do not have more time to read other blogs in depth. There are so many women who finally did have a successful pregnancy after all the heartache. It is nice to hear that ART works for people even after loss and failure. It makes me a little sad when I think about our situation with ART. We had such an awful experience for the first 2 1/2 years. I firmly believe that being under the wrong care gave us no real chance of conceiving. This is why it is so important to advocate for yourself when it comes to health care. Don’t just take the referral you are given. Get 2-3 opinions, ask a lot of questions, push your doctors to give you answers. It is their job. We learned this the hard way, but it is a very important lesson. I will use this lesson for any health issue that comes up in my life or loved ones lives.

Recently I had to go back to my OB (which is my second fertility specialist as well) for a regular check-up. Being in that office for the first time in over a year brought tears to my eyes. There were so many different types of emotions felt there: hope, relief, sadness, and grief. It was weird to only be there as a “regular” patient. I had a flash that I was just a woman who could conceive a child on my own. (It’s weird how often I still do that– forget about my IF problems.) There were a couple of women with me in the waiting room, and I wondered what they were there for. Were they getting ready for an IUI or IVF? How did they feel? How long had they been trying? It did feel good to walk out of the office and get on the elevator knowing I wouldn’t be going back until next year. Instead I would be picking up my son in a couple of hours.

IF has left me feeling open ended about my life. I know I want to adopt again- a girl this time. But, because no doctor has ever told me I cannot conceive, I am left with the what-if’s. Sometimes I like being in this position, feeling like the possibilities are endless. After all IF led me to my beautiful son. I cannot say I would change anything at this point, because of the outcome of our wonderful adoption journey. But, sometimes I wish I could plan out my family like other people can. I guess I need to embrace the fact that planning can be a little dull; our topsy turvey way of creating our family is more fun.

1. He gets more handsome every day
2. His hair has a Clark Kent wave, but it is still too short to cut
3. When I go into his room to get him out of his crib, he throws the blanket over his head and pretends to snore!
4. He finally learned that he is Luv Bug. He used to go around the room and point to everyone and say Mommy, Dada, Papa, Ooma and then when we asked who he was he would say either Mommy or Dada. He points at himself in person and in pictures and says his own name.
5. He’s learning his letters
6. He copies everything we do. If we stretch our arms up in the air, so does he. If we clear our throat, so does he. My dad had surgery and he walks with a limp, so does Luv Bug.
7. He will now sit down for a full five minutes in his adorable gingham chair, put the blanket on his legs and watch Boo Hoos (Blues Clues)
8. He dances better than most adults
9. I love his outbursts of “WOW”
10. When we are in stores he says hi to everyone. He’s my little mayor.

I am happy to announce that my son’s adoption day is scheduled! And, it is about six weeks earlier than anticipated. In a world where everything seems to take longer than anticipated, this was welcome news.
March 17 our son will become a U.S. citizen and ours (under the eyes of the law) forever.
We are very excited for this momentous event. It will be the official end of our adoption journey. It will be nice to have all the paperwork, filings and lawyers behind us so we can just be a family.
I am told that the adoption proceeding itself is very anti climatic, but I don’t see how it could be. Even if a judge simply stamps a piece of paper and asks us to sign it, the meaning behind it is what matters.
I am very happy that his adoption day comes before his second birthday. It is an important day in his life and his family’s life- the first birthday we get to celebrate together . It means something to me to have him officially ours even though he melted our hearts the day we saw his photo and was always “officially” ours as soon as we learned he would be our son.

Let’s take a look at the perspective of an infertile who has finally had a successful pregnancy. The positive pregnancy test alone is a step in the right direction. But, as many know this isonly one small portion of success to an infertile who has a long track record of disappointment and loss.
When baby is born and all is well, what must it feel like to have a baby? The dream is alive and breathing and cute and looks like daddy. What is the adjustment like? For so long the couple longed to have exactly what is now laying in their arms.
I can only imagine how unbelievable it must be. And, what does it mean for the relationships forged during the difficult IF path?
Please read this entry from Kelly at Twin Peas Blog. It offers a great amount of insight.
It opened my eyes to new challenges that people face after infertility. Changes that take place with pregnancy or adoption.
http://twinpeas.com/wordpress/infertility/test/234/

I still feel so many affects of IF on the social scale. The blogosphere is a great community to be a part of, but life outside the internet can be difficult when you can’t get pregnant. I know the stats, 7.3 million Americans suffer from the disease of infertility (Resolve.org). But, in my own space in the world, I am the different one. In the past week I heard of three women who are not only pregnant but very pregnant, like due in two months pregnant. These conversations don’t flow through my grapevine. But, it makes me feel a little stupid upon finding out.

I have been reading so many blogs lately. There seems to be thousands of infertility, adoption, miscarriage and loss blogs. I try to leave comments on most of them to introduce myself, my story, and our non profit. I follow a few blogs but regret that I do not have more time to read other blogs in depth. There are so many women who finally did have a successful pregnancy after all the heartache. It is nice to hear that ART works for people even after loss and failure. It makes me a little sad when I think about our situation with ART. We had such an awful experience for the first 2 1/2 years. I firmly believe that being under the wrong care gave us no real chance of conceiving. But, our bank account was empty and my body was broken. Adoption was the answer for us.

I had to go back to my OB (which is my second fertility specialist as well) for a regular check-up. Being in that office for the first time in over a year brought tears to my eyes. There were so many different types of emotions felt in that office: hope, relief, sadness, and grief. It was weird to only be there as a “regular” patient. I had a flash that I was a regular woman who could conceive a child on my own. (It’s weird how often I still do that– forget about my IF problems.) There were a couple of women with me in the waiting room, and I wondered what they were there for. Were they getting ready for an IUI or IVF? How did they feel? How long had they been trying? It did feel good to walk out of the office and get on the elevator knowing I wouldn’t be going back. I would be picking up my son in a couple of hours.

IF has left me feeling open ended about my life. I know I want to adopt again- a girl this time. But, because no doctor has ever told me I cannot conceive, I am left with the what if’s. Sometimes I like being in this position, feeling like the possibilities are endless. After all IF led me to my beautiful son. But, sometimes I wish I could plan out my family like other people can. I guess I need to embrace the fact that planning can be a little dull; our topsy turvey way of creating our family is more fun, right?

Regarding the non profit I have received several reactions like,” I can’t believe how much you’ve accomplished” or ” You are so far along in the process.” I guess I don’t know what people expected when I handed them a business card back in October and said, “AJ and I are starting a non-profit.” I admit that being a business person I’ve had several ideas for business ventures (though I don’t consider Parenthood for Me in the same league). I started another endeavor as an outlet for my creativity making aprons and framed letters. Writing and design are my 2 favorite hobbies and having a business mentality gives me the idea to turn hobbies and passions into a business- make money or do something! If I had any time My Little Lu Product Line would be more developed and promoted. But, it has gone by the wayside for now.

A reoccurring thought has presented itself. I would be lost without all I have learned from working for my father. Nearly six years ago, at the age of 25 I began a job at my father’s real estate company. I fell into the position because I was laid off. I never had any aspirations to be in real estate. But, I needed a job, my dad needed an assistant, and there we were. We shook hands and made a proclamation to give it six months. If there were any signs of ripping each other’s throats out, I would resign.

As luck would have it, my dad and I clicked on so many levels that I moved from assistant to “partner.” We really enjoy working together and it has been a win win situation. In the meantime I have learned how to run a business and then some. Since being under his tutelage I have admired my dad for his innovative thinking at age 22. He started his corporation at 24 and here we are 36 years later in a very competitive industry.

When I started reading about non profits and building a business, I knew I would go all the way- a 501 c(3) corporation. I wanted a corporate seal like my father has in his trusty “Corporation Notebook” from 1973.We are a small company, but I have gained many connections through being a REALTOR that have helped tremendously. There are many aspects to the non profit world that befuddle me; I have a lot to learn. But, I also have a great Board of Directors as my back up and think tank.

My skills of managing a business such as: record keeping, bookkeeping, website management, marketing are really coming in handy and making things run relatively smoothly as the non profit establishes itself. I am nervous enough about all I have to learn and thankful for the skill set I have mastered in the past 5 years.

Real estate is my paid career and I love doing it. Parenthood for Me is a passionate venture to make a difference. Technically it could be considered volunteer work, but I don’t look at it that way. It provides a fulfillment for which I longed.

Sully, the Captain of the airplane that crashed on the Hudson River said in his interview with Katie Couric that it seems like all the special training and tasks he has done and accomplished throughout his 42 year career led him to those 5 minutes in the air. There could not have been a more capable pilot driving the plane that day.

I many ways my life experiences, hobbies and desires have led me to this point. Starting this non profit is a calling. I wanted to provide the help and guidance we did not have available to us when we were going through infertility.

I am standing on the platform waiting for the train to take me where I am intended to go. I will get off at the appropriate stops, and I will continue on to new places where I will learn, achieve, fail and try again.