Month: November 2010

Welcome and Perfect Moment Moday

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Please read about my perfect moments. And for more perfect moments visit

There are some exciting times at PFM. Read about our first grantee success story

Yesterday was a special day for PFM board member, Jerry Furciniti. Jerry and his wife Laura are adoptive parents to a boy from S. Korea. The family was invited by Kevin Boss, a NY Giants tight end to attend a game and go out to dinner afterwards. This is the third year Kevin Boss has hosted the giving thanks contest. Read more about the contest here. Below is the email that Jerry sent to Kevin regarding what he is thankful for.

Kevin,

Thanks so much for hosting this again this year. You’ve done a lot for your fans, and we appreciate it!

I’m 34 (as of today), and over the past few years, my wife and I have had a remarkable journey. We have struggled with infertility for years. Infertility is an incredibly isolating and painful struggle. As we progressed through our treatments, we found strength and solace in two places- our faith and the amazing people that we have met along the way. Every story is heartbreaking, but the resolve is very inspirational. The struggle to start a family really shakes you to the core- it’s one of the most basic elements of life.

We are now proud adoptive parents of a little boy from South Korea named Evan. Words cannot adequately describe how lucky we are to have him in our lives. When we made the decision to adopt, we felt the tremendous weight lift from our shoulders. I just regret that we waited so long to start the process. Just hear his little footsteps as he runs around the house giggling as I chase him to get the football back, or to hear him say “love you dada” quite literally melts my heart. We were recently matched with our second son, and are now awaiting his arrival into our home; he’s already in our hearts.

I’m thankful that I now have the opportunity to pay our good fortune forward to other couples that are in the same predicament where we were just 18 months ago. I recently started working with a non-profit that provides emotional and financial support to couples working to build their families. I firmly believe that a loving home should be the main prerequisite to start a family, not the tens of thousands of dollars for fertility treatments or adoption. I’m hoping that our story will help others find their resolve and realize that they are not alone.

This summer we handed our our first round of grants to four couples around the country. I just saw the first set of baby pictures last week! What an amazing experience!

Thank you for letting me share my story. Keep up the good work!

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The game was yesterday. We are thinking of Jerry and his family and cannot wait to hear all the details. To read an interview given by Kevin Boss about the contest and Jerry check out Inside Football.
Oh, and please follow this blog. We need all the support we can get!

In Mind, Out Of Sight

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A dream is a smile, a grin from ear to ear.
Invoking happiness, hope, and a sense of meaning.
A dream holds ideas.
For what are we?
Who are we?
Without our dreams.

I often wonder how much infertility has changed me. I know it has brought me to the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. When I think about what my life would be like if having a child had been effortless, I’m content in knowing that my path to motherhood has given me more than I could have imagined six years ago.

One of the most difficult things about a life-changing situation is being forced to reimagine your future. Once I realized that the family I had always envisioned would probably take on a new form, I grappled with what my children would look like, be like, and how many, if any I would have.

I did try to imagine a life without a child. There was a point where I considered this option because we had been through too much pain. Strength and determination to continue trying to conceive were diluted by exhaustion and grief. How many disappointments can one endure? The pregnancy announcement to my parents, the choosing of names, the baby shower, the number of children I longed to have all became fragments of dream I was losing. I began to reimagine my role as a mother to just one child. If only I could be lucky enough to have one baby, then I would be grateful.

After the last failed in vitro procedure, the hope of a pregnancy was gone; we finally conceded to our reality. Biological children would not be possible. I would never get pregnant.

Even though I had been exploring adoption for two years it was at this point that I finally began imagining my life as an adoptive mother. I was happy with this thought. To love a child and take care of them was most important.

Becoming a parent through adoption has been amazing. I have no idea what I would do if my son were not in our lives. Who would I be? He has changed me for the better and enriched my life in such beautiful ways. I am deeply in love with every embrace, giggle, funny comment, and tidbit that make him who he is.

As my son grows older the desire to give him a sibling surmounts. But how will we do it? Unfortunately financing stands in our way. Like most we already spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to become parents. The thought of finding more money that could pay off debt, send our son to college, or go in a retirement fund is perplexing. But I have always said that we can find a way. I never want money to be the reason that we did not fulfill our vision of family.

There is a bit of irony, however that at this point I find that we have several options for family-building. At one point I did not think we had any options at all. Now with the passing of time and the resolution of grief I feel that we have choices for possibly having a second child. Going back to a fertility specialist is an option we have not ruled out. Starting fresh with the diagnoses we worked over two years to discover and a new mind set may just lead us to a successful pregnancy. We are also thinking of a domestic adoption rather than international.

The amazing part is that life is full, and the extreme sense of urgency to have a child that comes with infertility has dissipated. I have let go of the fact that I am older than I would have liked to be when having children. My son will be at least 5 years older than his future sibling. Ultimately I always wanted 3 children, and even though that dream will most likely never happen due to circumstances, the picture in my mind of 3 cute faces staring at me in the rear view mirror just will not fade away.

For those of you reading who struggle daily to reimagine your life as a parent I hope you find some comfort in my words. Reimagining may be difficult but can offer great rewards. Speaking about life in general we all had plans. Looking back as someone in my early thirties I see that the plans that fell through are what have created the most memorable and wonderful parts of my life. This is something I remind myself of whenever I am caught off guard with the emotions of infertility. My journey is not over, and reimagining life keeps the possibilities coming.
*Please leave a comment if you can relate to this post. I always love to hear what readers have to say. Thank you.

Happy ICLW- November

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Welcome to Parenthood for Me. This blog is part of the national non-profit founded in 2008. Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those building families through adoption or medical intervention.

Please read the post below to hear about our first baby!

Take a look around. Read PFM Best Posts on the right side bar.

If you are not already a follower please become one! We need help spreading the word of our mission.
Also find us on Facebook- Parenthood for Me.org and twitter.

Also, now that the holiday season is almost here please take a minute to visit Good Search.
Click here for the link. Or check out the top left side bar for search information. Just by shopping on-line (spending money you already intended on spending) you can make a donation to Parenthood for Me.
Look for the section where you can download the toolbar.


GoodSearch: You Search...We Give!

And on a side note:

Yea, you read that right. “Expectant Mother Parking” at my grocery store.

I get the need for this. In fact, it must be kind of nice for tired, expectant moms (through pregnancy). But do you blame me for wanting to ram into this sign some days?

*update: I was notified this morning that my blog made it to the top 50 blogs on this site. Check out the other great blogs.