I didn’t even know I was wearing different shoes than I had before. I thought I was still sporting my mid-twenties, newlywed, just bought a new house, bridesmaid in seven weddings, drinking too much shoes. I had no idea that my life was turning down a path where I would be a part of something that allowed me to say, “If you walked in my shoes, you would understand better.” I didn’t need to hear, “Oh, you’ll be fine. You’re young.” “You guys aren’t doing something right.” “When are you going to have kids???????????”

In the beginning I was still wearing pretty and practical shoes; something like sensible flats. They were not sexy patent leather pumps that proclaimed I was still young and hip and full of zest. The news of our necessity to go to a doctor to get pregnant took me down a few notches in my carefree world. I was different from the rest- we had IF problems. No ovulation tests or positive store-bought pregnancy tests for us (though, there seemed to be hundreds of negatives. Come on double line

As things evolved my path necessitated more rugged shoes. I went from sensible flats to running shoes. I needed something to give me stamina and help me keep up with the endless trips to the hospital and blood draw clinics. I needed something to keep a bounce in my step as I endured shot after shot- small needles, medium needs, HUGE needles.
Sometimes my shoes were simply comfy slippers. These were the times when the IUI didn’t work, the IVF had complications, after the laparoscopy, new diagnosis’ to collapse my odds of pregnancy even further. As we approached our third year of IF treatments, surgeries, and procedures I wore steal toed boots. I was knee deep in IF. I probably should have moved onto those rubber boots that people wear when fishing (waders?).

At this point I didn’t wish anyone to walk in my shoes, not that I ever did. My feet ached as well as my heart. That’s when I (we) decided to go barefoot for a while, maybe forever. Time to re-evaluate our parenthood path. It still hurt to breath sometimes, but I was glad to be rid of those rigid and cumbersome boots.

I went to Marhsall’s and bought some strappy sandals and contemplated how I would become a mommy.