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Thank you to all who voted for Parenthood for Me. I won!

Lori and I are donating $40 to Share Souther Vermont.

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Limerick Contest
Finale going on right now. Please vote for Parenthood for Me. Ask some friends. It’s for a good cause.

Click here to visit Weebles wobblog.

If I win I will be donating $40 to Share Southern Vermont- Infant Loss and Miscarriage Support.

Thanks everyone!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

For many couples the decision to have a baby comes at a time when they are ready to take on the challenge of parenthood. That decision unfolds a plan for the future and those includes all of the wonderful images and dreams of bringing a child into this world. However, for 1 in 6 couples conceiving a child may prove to be the biggest challenge of their life.

There are 7.4 million Americans who suffer from the disease of infertility (resolve.org). Adding to that number are people who either have not sought help from a Reproductive Endocrinologist or have not realized that their fertility may be affected.

Not many of us plan to have difficulty having children. In fact, we are more worried about preventing pregnancy until a certain point in life. Most women believe that when they are ready, they will be able to get pregnant without much effort at all. In the majority of cases this proves to be true. What we do not think about are the men and women who try for several years to conceive a child or carry a baby to full term.

Infertility is a multi faceted problem that affects a person’s life on many different levels. “Experiencing infertility affects all relationships in one’s life including how one feels about themselves,” states Dr. Rosalind Hayes, MD a reproductive endocrinologist and gynecologist from Rochester Fertility Care.

Not only do people faced with infertility have to ponder whether or not they will ever become parents. They are forced to endure many of the social effects of infertility such as feeling left out from their peer group, isolated, and fielding constant questions about when they are going to have a family. Every pregnancy announcement and baby shower is a constant reminder of the pain they are feeling. Not being able to have a child is a devastating loss on many levels. Many people have a picture of what their future children will look like, how many children they would like to have, and plans of when they hope to become parents. All of these dreams can be crushed by the perils of infertility. Losing the ability to plan one’s family leaves people feeling powerless, frustrated, angry, and sad.

Sheldon D. Malett, Ph.D counsels those going through the life crisis of infertility. He explains,” Infertility can threaten one’s identity . For example, if a woman has always wanted to be a mom, her core identity is at risk due to infertility. It is not unusual for a man to say that his pain is that he is unable to relieve his wife’s pain- one of the responsibilities that many men believe is part of their role as husband.”

Dr. Malett also explains that infertility can threaten one’s feelings of self-worth. It is quite common for men and women to feel ashamed if they are unable to conceive a child.
Because infertility is still considered a private subject and somewhat taboo in our society, there are many misconceptions about the severity of a diagnosis of infertility. Many people dismiss the grief and loss experienced when trying to conceive without success. Often time infertile couples have to hear insensitive advice and remarks when they reveal their difficulty having a child. Even though infertility is a medical condition, the perception is that one is in complete control over their fertility. It is difficult for an infertile person to clearly identify why their circumstances are so egregious when speaking with someone who has no personal experience with the struggle.
According to Melissa Ford, author of “Navigating the Land of IF” and the blog, Stirrup Queens infertility has the potential to separate people as much as it also has the potential to bring those experiencing it together. “Other parents are getting to experience in the here and now what someone experiencing infertility is working so hard to reach. It would be like the entire school making the cheerleading squad except you and having to walk down the hallway on game day with all those skirts and pom-poms as a visual reminder. Of course your friends would talk about the latest cheers they’ve learned–it’s understandable because it’s something they all share together. But their talk, their outfits, their new schedule and plans all reflect what you also worked hard to achieve, and for whatever reason, didn’t make the squad. Only with infertility, game day is every day.”

If you or someone you know needs help conceiving.

Infertility is defined as trying to conceive for one year (if under the age of 35 for women) without success. For women 35 and over it is six months. If after consulting with your doctor it established that you need to take the next step and consult with a fertility specialist, there are crucial steps to keep in mind. Fertility specialists for women are called Reproductive Endocrinologists. They are trained as gynecologists and obstetricians with 2-3 years of additional training in infertility and women’s hormone disorders. There are many OB/GYN’s who limit their practice to infertility to provide care for women with infertility diagnosis. For men there are urologists who have additional training for fertility and spend their time caring for men with infertility. Many of them are members of the Society of Male Reproduction and Urology (SMRU).

Finding an Infertility Specialist:

Check the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the professional society for medical professionals who specialize in the care of individuals with fertility problems. You can also contact patient support and advocacy groups such as RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association or The American Fertility Association to find a list of fertility professionals in your area. Do your research and try to find opinions from past patients of a particular specialist. You can get help from various chat rooms devoted to infertility.

National Infertility Awareness Week is April 24- May1, 2010.

Check out Lori’s blog at Weebles Wobblog for more Perfect Moments.

Please help me regain my title as Limerick Chick 2010 hosted by Weebles Wobblog. Here is my winning limerick from last year, as a first time participant I might add. Remember that this blog is about my life as well as infertility and adoption.

I once was scared of the gyno
Now I’ll drop my pants for a rhino
When bad times are worse
There’s blogs like the mrsch
Or instead I can just be a whino

Click on over to Weebles Wobblog to vote for Parenthood for Me.
Here are my entries to keep the title for 2010. Both entires are available for voting.
‘Cause I’m Irish:

I’m an Irish gal who drinks whisky
Sometimes I go home and get frisky.
When the good deed is done.
I’m Wishing 4 One.
Or at least eat some spam and some latke.

And cause I’m a mama:

Potty training is quite the event.
Every night I am totally spent.
There are days we’re so close.
Cleaning up poop is gross.
And, today he peed in the vent.

The winner gets to donate $20 to a charity of their choice.
I will be donating to Cara’s wonderful non-profit, Share Southern Vermont.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support.

It seems odd that during the six years I have been in the market to reproduce, I have never dreamt that I was pregnant. Well, until last week.

It is amazing how our minds meld different images, thoughts, and experiences into a dream during sleep. Getting to the root of where this dream came from was interesting.

I remember walking into a store with a pregnant belly and catching a glimpse of myself in the window. I see myself smiling at the image of my cute profile and pretty maternity shirt. As soon as I felt the happiness wash over me I remembered that I was actually wearing a costume. I was dressed as a pregnant woman.

Instead of entering a store I ended up at a party. It was as if it suddenly occurred to me how ironic my “costume” was and how people at the party would think I was nuts or feel discomfort at my choice of an outfit. I mean, everyone knows I cannot get pregnant.

In the dream I anxiously and vehemently tried to hide my “pregnant” belly behind my pocket book and a table. I feared that my costume would be revealed and I would be mocked and laughed at or simply avoided because no one would understand why I chose to come “pregnant.” I guess it never occurred to me that I could simply remove the costume. That would be too big, too drastic. Leaving the costume on meant that even though I wasn’t showing myself off, I could still capture the moment of feeling a protruding belly. Even if it was only for a short time I was more pregnant than I ever had been before.

When I woke up, I did not really think too much about the dream except for the fact that it was weird. Most dreams are. As the hours passed, however the depth of the dream and what it meant to me grew more profound. This is my version of a pregnancy dream. Even in my dreams I cannot get pregnant.

I did not cry over the dream or let it ruin my weekend, but I definitely mulled over where in my brain this dream came from. Part of it is obvious. I think about pregnancy all the time. I read blogs and stories of infertility and pregnancy all the time. And all the time I wonder what my future holds. Will I ever create and carry a baby?

Maybe my inner psyche has given up but the conscious part of my brain is still in self preservation mode. I have often conveyed in this blog that my motherhood journey is still in effect. I have one beautiful child through adoption and I intend to have more. How? Who knows.

Throughout the past five years I never felt like I was less of a woman due to my inability to conceive. For some reason I was spared that piece of the giant and often unmanageable side effects of infertility. It was not until recently that my mind ventured towards thoughts of inadequacy and revisiting emotions of never fitting in with the vast number of women who can create and sustain life,feel their baby kick in the womb, give birth, and breastfeed. My body is not able to do what it was made to do. That is sad to me.

Sometimes I do feel awkward because I cannot get knocked up. I drank wine at my baby shower. I did not even have the option of trying to breast feed. I have no clue as to anything about newborns. Fact is that sometimes I embrace this uniqueness but most times it stabs at my heart. I wonder if my mother still feels sad that she will never see her baby pregnant.

Are dreams like art imitating life? If so then I should be dreaming about how much joy fills my life from being a mother to Min man. He has a light around him like no one I have ever met. I did not know it was possible for so many wonderful things to be bound up in a little boy. Every day I hold him with all my might, smell his skin, listen to his laugh, and silently reveal my gratitude for his existence. I would be lost with out him. Lost, sad, and muddling through this world wondering when my hopes and dreams would come true.

I once was scared of the gyno
Now I’ll drop my pants for a rhino
When bad times are worse
There’s blogs like the mrsch
Or instead I can just be a whino

Here are my entries to keep the title for 2010.

‘Cause I’m Irish:

I’m an Irish gal who drinks whisky
Sometimes I go home and get frisky.
When the good deed is done.
I’m Wishing 4 One.
Or at least eat some spam and some latke.

And cause I’m a mama:

Potty training is quite the event.
Every night I am totally spent.
There are days we’re so close.
Cleaning up poop is gross.
And, today he peed in the vent.

C’mon don’t you love choices?
VOTE FOR ME. Look to the right to vote starting March 2.

The winner gets to donate $20 to a charity of their choice.
I will be donating to Cara’s wonderful non-profit, Share Southern Vermont.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support.

I had a great 32nd birthday. Thank you to everyone who sent me wishes. Here are snapshots of my gifts. I love presents. I do not get to open my open presents or cards anymore because my little birthday crasher LOVES everything about birthday parties.

Chocolate colored U.ggs for the cold and very long Rochester winters.

A lovely shirt from my brother and SIL. I cannot wait for warm weather.

A card from my baby.

A very cute bag from BIL and sister-in-law to be.

Oh yeah, and I received some cocktails when friends took me out on the town.

DH and I enjoying ourselves.

In one of favorite movies, P.S. I Love You the character, Danny played by the beloved Harry Connick, Jr. talks about how growing old is a privilege. I don’t remember the exact conversation but it struck a chord with me. As a society we spend so much time worrying about getting older, preventing the wear and tear the years put our bodies through. What happened to celebrating our age? We should be grateful for every day we have on earth. Every year marks an accomplishment.

Don’t get me wrong. I miss my “youth.” I long for the days when I sat in la piazza while studying in Italia, drinking a beer at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. But, I am also overall a much happier person than I was back then. During high school and college I worked at an open-air bar on the river where I live. I worked with about 10 friends, and we had a blast every summer. Those were some of the best times of my life as a young person. Now there are different good times and things to make me smile.

For example, having my son sing happy birthday to me this morning. My heart swelled. Thing is, I still feel so young. I could dwell on the fact that I am creeping into “middle age.” All these terms that we have for stages in our life. What does it mean, really?

Age is a frame of mind. I aim to focus on all that is good with maturing and living another day. There are so many people who don’t get the chance to live a full life, passing away into their eighties and nineties. I think of those in my life who died way too young and those who face severe health issues. They would love to grow old and celebrate another year.

To mark my 32nd birthday I want to list 32 things that are special to me. I want to thank my family and friends for loving and supporting me (and that includes all my I-friends (Internet friends- p.s. article coming up about making lifelong friendships through the Internet).
Thanks to DH for my long-awaited U.ggs. I got them this morning bright and early because we got another 4 inches of snow! My toes are cozy.

Here we go. 32 things that make me happy, define who I am, goals, dreams- all that life is made up of:

1. photographs
2. driving
3. writing
4. my husband and son
5. my family
6. my friends
7. being an aunt
8. shoes
9. blogging
10. decorating
11. poetry
12. music
13. traveling
14. speaking different languages and learning about different cultures
15. Lu, my puppy dog
16. having my Pop’s eyes
17. Having many traits of both my mom and dad
18. Working with my father
19. Having parents that have supported me every step of the way
20. being empathetic
21. my struggles
22. my triumphs
23. champagne
24. pasta
25. singing
26. the 1000 Islands
27. surprises
28. receiving letters and cards in the mail
29. my health
30. my values
31. strawberry pie
32. knowing how lucky I really am

Potty training. The ups. The downs. Sticker charts and treats. What an experience.
This past weekend we did not do much but ask Min man, “Do you have to go potty?”

3 minutes later.

“Do you have to go on the potty?”

“Lets sit on the potty. You’ll get a sticker.”

I went out and bought new underware and pull-ups. We were on a full potty training roll.

He did so well all weekend even doing #2 on the potty which everyone said would be the toughest part. Not for our little man. There were high fives, suckers, stickers, and quarters given out. He was so proud and rightly so. Quite a big accomplishment for a 2 year old.

Today I brought him to MommyL’s in underware. This was a first because all weekend he was wearing underware but with no pants to make getting to the potty as easy as possible.
No accidents at MommyL’s. Phew.

We come home, he wears a pull-up (I explain that it is not a diaper); nap time it is. However, sleep did not happen. He decided to pull apart his whole room, take off his pull-up and pee on the rug. When I walked in, he handed me a soaked tissue and said,” Here, Mom. I clean the pee pee.”

What can I say? We’re only on day 3 of full force training. We go downstairs for a snack and the underware goes back on. All is well.

I go out to the store and DH texts that Min man peed in the heat vent.

Me- ” I guess the honeymoon is over.”

Him- “He’s now wearing a diaper.”

Nuff said.

I walk in from the store and I ask Min man what he did.

He boasts,” I pee on the rug. I pee in the vent.”

There ya have it. How can I not laugh?

Check out Lori’s for more Perfect Moments.