Author: Erica

Erica Founder of Parenthood for Me, adoptive mom, writer.

Commitment to Excellence 2012

1 Comment

This year we are excited to honor Marty Cardona and the late Cecelia Park of Love the Children Adoption Agency at the Parenthood for Me Annual Gala April 21st.

By

Kelly Weishaar
Parenthood for Me Board Member
President, Love the Children of Rochester

“There are currently 13 babies available for adoption.”

Huh?

I had been struggling with infertility for 4 years. I had faced countless medical treatments, losses, and heartaches. My husband and I were in a period of grieving and trying to figure out our next step when something unexpected happened. I was at a meeting at school when I “overheard” a casual conversation that changed my life forever. An administrator at the meeting, Marty Cardona, who also happens to be an adoption caseworker, was explaining how the changing international adoption rules in Korea resulted in many babies becoming available for adoption all at once. Everything became clear to me at that moment. We were a family who needed a baby, and there were babies who needed families.

Becoming a mother through adoption not only brought me my two beautiful children, it brought me in contact with many amazing people. Two of those people, Cecelia Park, Director of Love the Children and Marty Cardona, caseworker for Love the Children not only made an impact on my life but on the lives of thousands of other families and children.

Love the Children is an adoption agency located in Pennsylvania. The agency’s founder, Mary Graves worked with the Korean international adoption program at an agency called Welcome House. On one of her trips to Korea she met Cecelia Park. Cecelia was trained as a concert pianist and was playing at the hotel where Mary was staying. When Mary stopped to ask her for directions, the two women struck up a friendship. Cecelia knew nothing about adoption or adoption agencies but was impressed with the work Mary was doing to help Korean children.

Eventually Cecelia moved to the United States to work with Mary. Shortly after Cecelia arrived, Mary started her own agency called Love the Children. Cecelia was instrumental in forming the relationship between Love the Children and the agency they worked with in Korea called Eastern Social Welfare Society. This close relationship was critical to the success of Love the Children. In 1979 Love the Children placed their first child with a U.S. family. Initially they found homes for older children who were difficult to place and had been living in orphanages for many years. As time went on, the agency started to do more infant adoptions.
As the agency grew, there was a need for more caseworkers to provide social histories and the periodic updates required by Korea. Mary Graves reached out to Marty Cardona and invited her to join the agency.

Marty Cardona and her husband had two biological children but wanted to expand their family through adoption. They were interested in adopting from an Asian country and went with South Korea because it was the most established and stable international adoption program. Marty adopted her daughter through Welcome House which is how she came to know Mary Graves. Marty went on to have two more biological children and then adopted a son from Korea. As Marty went through the process of her daughter’s adoption, she learned about a program through Monroe County Social Services. In 1976 Marty was trained as a “volunteer” caseworker which lead to her job at Love the Children.

In 1997 Mary Graves passed away. Cecelia took over as Director of the agency. Cecelia and Marty became close colleagues and friends over the 30 years they worked together. For Cecelia working in adoption was more than “just a job.” Twenty-four hours a day she was an advocate for the children of Korea. In the beginning, Mary and Cecelia made the two-hour drive to New York City to meet every flight from Korea and welcome each baby to the United States. Cecelia called Korea every evening and was in constant contact with Eastern. When the babies got home, Cecelia called them on the phone. She sang them Korean songs and told them they were safe with their new families. Each summer she traveled to upstate NY to attend picnics and visit with the children and families. Twice a year she went to Korea to visit and check on the babies who were waiting to come home.

Marty Cardona’s commitment to the agency and to the children was equal to Cecelia’s. Over the course of her career she placed approximately 2,500 children with permanent families. She worked primarily in Western NY, although throughout her years with Love the Children she expanded into other areas of NY and PA. Marty’s other “full time” career was being a school principal for Brookshill Elementary School (K-5) in the Fairport Central School District. She retired from being a principal last year, but has continued her work in education by becoming part of the Fairport Board of Education. She also remains active on the board of Love the Children of Rochester.

In 2011 Cecelia Park passed away. Although she is gone, her devotion to the children of Korea lives on. Mary and Cecelia worked hard to create an adoption agency that was different from other agencies. Their commitment to the children of Korea came before anything else. They spent much time and resources giving back to the country they worked with. Although not inclusive, the following is a brief summary of their accomplishments:

-Love the Children required each major city they worked in to establish a parent support group. Rochester’s parent support group has been in existence for 30 years and is still active in our community.

-Love the Children required each family who adopted through the agency to make a commitment to support the children of Korea.

-Love the Children provided Eastern with the van (called the “Love Mobile”) that transports the children from Eastern to the airport to make their flight to the U.S.

-The agency/parent groups raised funds and sent money to Eastern to build a children’s hospital and three schools (elementary, middle school, and high school) for children with disabilities.

A while ago we learned that Love the Children will most likely be closing within the next couple of years. Korea has always desired to end the international adoption program. It is their hope to promote domestic adoption and be able to support needy children within their own country. The international adoption program has seen a great amount of change over the past few years. Although it will most likely continue in some form major changes are expected.

So, while I once considered infertility a curse, I now consider it a blessing. In my heart I know I was supposed to “overhear” that casual conversation about Korean adoption and Love the Children. I am the proud Mommy of two funny, smart, beautiful children. I have also had the opportunity to be part of something bigger. Through the commitment I gave to Love the Children, and through my participation in the local parent support group, in my own small way I too am able to give support to adopted children and the children who remain in Korea.

I am so pleased that Cecelia Park and Marty Cardona are receiving the Commitment to Excellence. I am grateful to them everyday. This award will give other people the opportunity to learn about the amazing work they have done for children and families.

For more information on the gala visit www.parenthoodforme.org

Limerick Chick Contest 2012

2 Comments

So, I won two years in a row and lost my title last year. Here I am trying again.
Thanks to Lori and Write Mind Open Heart my spring gets sprung by writing silly rhymes.

My 2009 and 2010 winning entries. My parents are proud.

I’m an Irish gal who drinks whisky
Sometimes I go home and get frisky.
When the good deed is done.
I’m Wishing 4 One.
Or at least eat some spam and some latke.

~~~~

I once was scared of the gyno
Now I’ll drop my pants for a rhino
When bad times are worse
There’s blogs like the mrsch
Or instead I can just be a whino

DRUMROLL********************************

Our eggs and sperm lack esteem

Under a microscope they do not gleam

Ain’t the birds and the bees

Nor doing the ol’ dirty deed

Mrs. Spit says things aren’t what they seem.

{small bow and curtsy}

Crescent Moon Size Chance

8 Comments

I haven’t been blogging much lately. And I haven’t been reading many blogs either. I fell off the radar awhile back for many different reasons. I love writing. Writing is what got me through the thick of infertility. In 2007 when blogging became my outlet and a huge part of my daily life, I would often think to myself, this would be a great blog post.

Some where along the line I stopped thinking that way.

Part of me wanted to keep my parenting days private. Part of me also felt like I no longer had the right to grieve over infertility. I felt like there was a lack of material so to speak. The guts of this blog are about the struggle to become a parent. And even though I was a parent when I started this blog and Parenthood for Me, my emotions were extremely raw after dealing with infertility treatments for 4 years.

After adopting Min there remained a huge hole in my heart. I could not understand why having a family came so difficult to us. I could not accept that a pregnancy was not in the cards for me. And even though I was finally a mom, I knew I wanted more than one child. And I had no idea how that was going to happen.

Deciding to take the plunge and begin a second adoption was extremely exciting. We didn’t have the money laying around, but we found a way to finance the adoption. Once that was figured out and we were reliving the adoption process, I felt a sense of peace. We would give Min a sibling. I would be able to carry around a baby again. We would be a family of 4.

Here I am one year later and my little Wee is home. I have two boys. There are two car seats in my car. The baby is walking around the living room in his big brothers sneakers and having a blast. The two of them will fight over toys and the next minute are giggling with each other like old pals. The details I notice now that I have two kids are as minute as the details I noticed after finally becoming a mother. Sometimes I catch myself noticing the smallest event in my day regarding my kids and wonder if all parents see parenting the way I do.

Somebody once wrote to me that I have always told the truth about infertility. Adopting did not take away the pain. Being an adoptive parent did not resolve my desire to get pregnant. Infertility is a shocking, hurtful, and extremely difficult struggle. The effects are monumental and altering on one’s psyche and outlook on life, relationships, and their future.

However, I find it hard right now to write when I feel sad. Because the fact is that even though I have never been happier, I still grieve. I still feel a profound loss in my heart because I cannot get pregnant. Within the past month I have heard of 4 pregnancies that are miracles. They were unexpected and happened to women who truly believed they would never get pregnant, especially on their own. I am so happy for them. I truly am. Because no one should have to go through their entire life wondering why pregnancy wasn’t possible. But I found myself sobbing so hard one night because I cannot help but wonder if that unexpected miracle will ever happen to me.

And I really hate that I am still so unsettled . Because I surely know how much I have to be thankful for.

I find it difficult to admit that I still hurt over infertility even though I am the mom to two beautiful and wonderful children. The story of their being and their existence in my life is amazing. How we came to be a family still leaves me speechless.

Why is it so hard to let go of pregnancy for me? I ask myself that question often. Yesterday I simply said, you are just going to have to accept that being pregnant and giving birth are not part of who you are.

But my heart cannot accept it yet.

I keep revisiting a session I had with a new RE a few months ago.This was simply an informational interview. There are no scheduled procedures on the docket. She was taking my history and we talked about my ectopic pregnancy, the laparascopy I had where we found endo, and the sordid details of my (and our) infertility file.

She asked if I had every gotten pregnant on my own in the 7 years since I went off birth control.

My answer was an unequivocal, no.

Her statement is true and not altogether news to me, but they way she put it was so raw and blunt.

“You should consider your egg quality as well. You probably would have at least had a miscarriage in all that time.”

It hurt to hear that on top of male factor and PCOS that my eggs may be of poor quality as well. The chances of pregnancy are so slim. The tiniest crescent moon thin.

After 8 years of infertility talk, I still find a way to feel the smack all over again. As if it was that first visit to my then OBGYN telling me I may have PCOS and needed to see an RE. Natural conception was probably not possible.

My infertility journey is an evolution. I revel in my adoptive mom-ness, but I also grieve what I have lost as a woman, wife, and daughter. The joy and the grief have a place in my life as a parent. I know it may be hard for some to understand how I could still have so much sadness inside after adopting Min and Wee. But I have learned to not bury my feelings but to embrace them and to be honest with myself. This has allowed me to make it through this journey intact. And since parenting is a role that never ends, I supposed the questions of how I became a parent and what it took to get here will continue to be on the table for discussion.

Happy ICLW- Grants and Speed Dating

2 Comments

Hello everyone.

Parenthood for Me is a non-profit whose mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those building families through adoption or medical intervention. Since 2010 we have given away $26,000.

We are currently accepting grant applications for both adoption and assisted reproductive technology. The grants will be announced in June of this year.

Visit our grants page for more information and to download the applications. Please read the FAQ first. It should answer all of your questions.

www.parenthoodforme.org/grants

Visit our website and our facebook page. We need more followers!

And please follow the blog.

For those of you who are visiting for the first time I am an adoptive mama of two. My husband and I founded PFM in 2008; that is when this blog began. This is my 301 post. I have not been writing much lately because my youngest son came home from Korea right before Christmas. He is 20 months old and we are all in love. I have two boys now and they are the cutest darn things in the world.

But I it has been a long road to get here. The first few days Wee was home were somewhat unbelievable. We would be driving together and I would just look at my husband and say, “Well, it took us 8 years, but we’re here.”

We are a family of 4- five with our dog, Lulu.

More posts to come this week. I have many stirring in my mind. Just need to get them written in full.

SPEED DATING:

Favorite dessert: pie

How would you spend a million dollars?:
pay off all debt, put away money for college and retirment, shop at anthro.pologie

Dream career: published author

Favorite vacation spot: Key West, Florida

Hobbies: writing, music, decorating

Favorite movies: Atonement, Old School, and most recently The Help

Favorite meal: breakfast

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? : 25

Thank you for visiting. Hoped you liked at least some of my answers.

For some of my favorite posts visit the right side bar- PFM Best Posts

I Got the Chance to See

3 Comments


When my very good friend told me she was pregnant a little less than a year ago, I didn’t feel that familiar pang of dread in my heart. For the first time in 8 years a pregnancy announcement had little effect on me except that I was happy.

We were expecting Wee to come home and it was nice knowing that my friend was also expecting a baby. We could wait together. Something I have been unable to do with my friends.

I embraced her pregnancy asking a lot of questions about her health and what the doctor was saying at her appointments. When she was about five months pregnant we were all sitting in my back yard. The sun was going down and the evening was coming to a close. Without thinking I reached out to touch her belly. I had never touched a pregnant belly. But at that moment in time I had an urge to feel the baby. For once it felt okay that even though I had never experienced pregnancy myself, I could experience it through someone I love.

I started to cry at my break through. My wall of pain was coming down a little and it felt good. It was then that my friend asked if I would like to accompany them to their ultrasound the following week. This was the milestone ultrasound where they could find out the sex of the baby if they wanted.

I wept a little and proclaimed that I had never been to an ultrasound. And that it would be nice to experience that at least once in my life. It would be hard for me to be there, but I agreed to go. What a great opportunity for me to share with such good friends.

When the ultrasound tech started moving over the belly I was watched in awe. I purposely stood in the corner away from the father-to-be and his mother because my emotions were all over the place. The tech pointed out the baby’s position, the head, rib cage, heart, hands. Tears poured down my cheeks viewing this little miracle.

I cried for myself, my lost baby, the fact that my husband would never be in a moment like this we me carrying his baby. I cried for all that I had lost over the past 8 years.

I also cried because I was witnessing such a beautiful part of life. The ability to conceive and give birth to brand new humans. My two babies did not grow in my belly but they are alive and healthy because of someone else. Amazing.

Prior to the appointment my friends hadn’t agreed as to whether they were going to find out the sex. When the technician got to that point and asked the poignant question, do you want to know? The father, my friend of 15 years could not contain himself and said, yes!

A girl.

I yelped with excitement and had immediate visions of pink clothes and purple booties. Oh, and all the beautiful names she could have. It was a brilliant moment. I am truly lucky to have been invited to such a private and memorable time in my friends lives together.

Leaving my friends after everything was done a small part of me felt less heavy. I also felt like for once I knew something about pregnancy. My clueless nature of everything after the birds and the bees was etched away a teeny bit. I still know next to nothing about pregnancy, birthing, and infants because that is not a part of my life. But I felt like I was a part of the club- finally.

The remaining months of the pregnancy were exciting. I was so thrilled to meet her. I constantly thought about the baby and hoped upon hope that she would be healthy when she greeted the world.

And, when she was born I breathed a little deeper. Our girl had arrived.

Mama of Two

13 Comments

“I wanted you more than you will ever know,
so I sent love to follow wherever you go.”

– from “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman

Please forgive my absense. I have neglected my beloved blog, and I feel badly about it. We welcomed our son, Wee home from S. Korea on December 21. His arrival was about two months earlier than anticipated. It was the best Christmas of my life.

He is a happy little boy, 19 months old. Brother Min is very happy to finally have his play mate.

What an amazing and wonderful experience. I get to be the mother of two wonderful little boys. Seeing them together whether it be in the back seat or playing with toys, I still feel a bit of shock. My eyes well up at least once a day.

I have so many thoughts to convey but find myself at a loss as how to articulate them. My emotions are all over the place.
I simply cannot believe how lucky we are. It took us 8 years to get here, but we are now a family of 4 with our baby dog Lucy.

When my mind has time to clear a bit, and my emotions find their pocket place, I will share with everyone our amazing journey to Wee, and what it feels like to have him home.

*picture is of Me and Min waiting for baby brother to get off plane.

Sharing Testimonials

As we celebrate three years since inception and two years of giving out grants, here are some testimonials and statements from those with adoption and infertility experience.

Thank you for all the kinds words. We wouldn’t be here without all the support.

Sincerely,
Erica and AJ Schlaefer ,founders and the board of directors

“Dear Parenthood for Me,
We just celebrated our son’s 1st birthday. We now live in the light where we were once surrounded by darkness. Your generosity helped to allow that change for us. After so much loss and pain, we feel that we have now emerged on the other side.” -Nancy, 2010 grantee

“Parenthood for Me helped me to understand that we are not alone in our struggle and to really believe that we would have the family we were meant to have, however it happened. The information I received and stories shared helped give me the strength to move forward with our plan. And today we are expecting twin boys! To me, Parenthood For Me’s efforts at spreading information and providing support is invaluable.”– Lindsay G.

Thank you Erica, you have helped me in many ways that others haven’t been able to. Your blog and organization have been a gift. The biggest gift you have given to me is that some day when my daughter asks why your words will help us explain to her what we went thou to have her. “– Kara F.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that it’s a shame that my family planning has everything to do with how much money I have instead of how much love I have to share. Parenthood for Me is one of only a handful of organizations that recognize and help families like mine with the burden of these costs.” – Lisa, adoptive mother

“We also had infertility “issues” but did not let that stop us from becoming a family. And thanks to organizations like yours, we did and could not be happier. The day we meet our son was the most incredible day of our lives, just to be able to hold him, touch him, and even smell him was something that words cannot describe. We are truly grateful to Parenthood for Me for helping us bring Liam home. Now we can call ourselves a FAMILY!”- Holt and Shirley, 2010 grantee

“You just never know what can happen in your life. I never imagined that I would struggle with and suffer from infertility. My husband Jeff and I were one of the lucky couples to receive the 2011 grant. We were ready to give up and call it a day as we had done everything we could do on our own. This grant will definitely help us with our next treatment.” – Jeff and Judy, 2011 grantee

“After 5 years of waiting our baby is finally on his/her way. We are living on a cloud. We are grateful to you for giving us financial help we needed to achieve this pregnancy.” – Marybeth and Daniel C.

“I applaud your efforts for bringing attention to the sometimes bumpy and frustrating path to parenthood…adoption is a tremendous gift and blessing and this blog could help to unite waiting children with their forever families. My heart goes out to everyone struggling with infertility issues or indecision about adoption….we have been twice blessed through adoption and words cannot begin to describe how grateful we are for our miracles each & every day! -Lisa

“What a wonderful thing you are doing, it will be a blessing to all you help. As a couple that would love to have another child but the money is holding us back as we still sit on the loan from our first adoption, it is encouraging to see people like you that are stepping out to help! – Ashley Jene

”I am so happy that you are creating this non-profit. My husband and I can’t afford the infertility treatments. We would need in vitro due to his infertility and insurance does not cover it. Adoption is not an option also because of financial reasons. Good luck with your venture! “-Tracy

“I think your heart is in the right place and what you are doing is beautiful.” -Kara B.

“Congratulations on 3 years of changing history for a number of families.”- Lori

“Congratulations on 3 years! I’m so impressed you took something painful in your own life and made it into something amazing!” – Alex

“Erica,

It breaks my heart that anyone should ever have to go through such a painful experience. This is beautifully written. It both comforts those who have been through similar experiences and educates those who have not. The fact that you went through this potentially soul-shattering experience to move forward to helping others going through similar experiences demonstrates your strength and courage.Thank you for sharing your story.” – Jeanne

“You really captured many of the truths of the adoptive journey. It’s such an all-encompassing emotional time…..a journey with both highs & lows….agony and god willing, unabashed joy at the end. Thank you for giving a voice to ALL parents.”- Lisa

“I’m sitting in a flood of tears as I read your post. It is so incredibly moving and you opened by eyes to a lot of things I had not considered before. I want to say congratulations to you on your beautiful family.” – Claire

“Thank you for taking your experiences and educating people about adoption. At this point I don’t know what is down the road for me, but it sure helps me to better understand how to support friends who have adopted. Very helpful – thank you.”- Stacey

“What a lovely post! I appreciated your description of the ways you find joy in mundane parenting tasks (ex. picking up toys or buying diapers), because you are glad to have to do the task. Sometimes I get hung-up on my secondary infertility…I need to remember never to lose sight of my sweet 4-year-old, even when I’m longing for her to have a sibling. Thanks for the great reminder.” – Alana

“I have never been moved to tears by a post or anything else. I was today and I could never have put my feelings into words like you did. You described how I feel exactly.” –Nina

“I tend to be an optimist in life, and believe that struggle and pain help us appreciate all of our blessings. I thank God for infertility because without it I wouldn’t have my son, nor would I have the same perspective on life and just how sweet the words “love you dada” sound.” – Jerry, adoptive dad

“The decision to adopt is a HUGE one. It took us years to come to that decision. Because in making that decision you are also saying to yourself, it’s ok if we don’t have a biological child. And in doing that you are grieving that child you never had that would have had your eyes and his nose. It’s a lot to take in.” – Alicia

“At first my husband and I had to cope with the unimaginable loss of our first born son dying hours after birth. We coped, we drank, we hit punching bags, cried, wrote – everything and anything we could do to deal with the grief we carried in our hearts.
Then came the infertility whammy. The stress of the double whammy has hit us. We have to work harder at our relationship than ever before. It is easier to slip into our own survival modes, unintentionally leaving the other alone. But we cope, and we reach out and take notice if our relationship begins to drift away from center. It takes work but it is worth it.” – Amy

3 Years

4 Comments

Three years ago I had an idea. What if AJ and I could do something to help others? What if we told our story to the world and showed people the hardship of infertility? What if speaking out eased others pain?

At a small gathering of friends I stated I started a non-profit and showed my first business card. The name came to me after searching a few other possibilities that were already taken. The original logo was drawn in purple crayon and scanned.

Letters went out to people in my life who may want to join a board of directors for a tiny charity with big ideas. Most people accepted.

This blog was initiated and I searched all over the Internet for ways to connect and spread the word. I found Stirrup-Queens. With that I found my community.

The community has spread enormously and so much has transpired.

Three years.

Yesterday our board received updates of grantees from 2010. I was able to read stories and see pictures of the families we helped create. Unbelievable.

Our foundation has reached many milestones. We are learning as we go. We have had so much help and guidance from talented individuals willing to donate their time and expertise. As a collective unite we have enjoyed many wonderful moments and successes. Even though there is so much work to be done, we relish in the testimonial statements, the daily requests for help, and knowing that we can make a difference.

PFM thanks everyone who has donated, shared our website, blog links, bought merchandise, and believe in our mission.

2012 has many wonderful things in store.

“I heard your dreams came true.”

This is a line from a song that popped out at me today.

I hope all of your dreams come true.

Get To Know

Get to know Barbara Caparell. Founder of the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund, Inc.

Q: How did you start The Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund?

A: Unfortunately, my husband, Jim passed away unexpectedly just 6 months after we came home from China with our second daughter. Jim was a loving, involved and committed stay-at-home Dad who embraced fatherhood. After his death some of our dear friends from our adoption travel group approached me with the idea to start a non-profit organization to honor Jim and his generous and giving spirit. The Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund was established in 2008 to assist adoptive families with their financial, educational, health and catastrophic needs and to raise awareness of transracial adoption by celebrating and promoting the diverse cultural identity of the children it seeks to support.

Q: What do you hope to accomplish with the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund?

A: We started Jim’s organization to be able to help families that have been created by adoption that are not able to provide for some of their own needs. In 2009 we were able to provide an adoptive family of a Mom and her 2 children with the financial support she needed to buy groceries, gas and clothes during a particularly difficult period for the family. We also hope to be able to help educate people by enlightening and informing them about adoption. We are currently working at funding a lending resource library for a Massachusetts adoption agency and working with local libraries to create positive and informative adoption sections in those libraries. Additionally, we wanted to instill in our “collective children and youth” a spirit of giving like Jim’s by showing them what generosity, kindness and hope can provide. We aspire to continue to be able to do all of this for years to come.

Q: What do you do to raise funds?

A: Our main fundraiser each year is a Moon Festival Celebration which is a celebration of family reunion and is the second largest holiday in China. The Chinese people believe that the phases of the Moon represent the changes in life- –joy and sorrow, parting and reunion and when the Moon is full and round it is the perfect time for connection. Legend says that even for those families that cannot be together on that day that when they watch the full moon at the same time it is like they are side by side. Families get together on that day for fun activities and traditional food. We believe that the Moon Festival is the perfect event to symbolize what Jim was all about—togetherness, giving, understanding, and the love of his children’s culture.

Q: When is the Moon Festival Celebration scheduled for this year?

A: The Moon Festival is scheduled for Sunday, October 9, 2011 and will be held at the East Bridgewater Commercial Center in Massachusetts from Noon to 4:00pm. We have a dance performance by Dance Revelasian of Boston, a music performance by the Perry Family Band, a traditional Chinese paper folding workshop, a silent auction, and raffles. There are also lots of fun activities for the kids like face painting, balloon sculpting and moon walks. You can get more information about the Moon Festival and the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund at www.jimmulhern.org. Tickets are still available for purchase on our website.

For more information please visit their website: http://www.jimmulhern.org/

Filling Up the Glass

2 Comments

There are times when I look back at all I have written and all I have thought and said and think, is not giving birth to a biological child really all that bad?

Yes, I will never see a life created by my husband and I. What would he or she look like? What traits would he or she possess from us or our relatives?

Yes, I will never know what it is like to be pregnant. I am a woman. A woman who wants to get pregnant. It does still seem odd that getting pregnant cannot happen for me. C’mon. I have all the parts and they even work, I think. No pregnancy?

But I am a mother. I have a son who is absolutely amazing. Every day I am in awe.

I have another son who lives far away but will be in his home soon enough. He will be a little brother, son, grandchild, great grandchild, cousin, nephew, and friend to so many people.

Again our home will be filled with a baby boy.

But then I pause and remember that the journey through infertility is full of pain. There are most definitely highs and lows. There are moments filled with hope and pure dread. But the desire to have a family is strong- in your bones strong. We push on and keep on keepin‘ on.

I recently had a conversation with someone who revealed to me the power of the human mind and how positive thinking can alter many outcomes. I have heard this before and tried to practice positive thinking when all I wanted to do was wallow. But for some reason this time I really believed that my own thoughts reflect on my successes and failures in life. I have come to a new phase in my journey. I have healed in so many ways. My scars are no where near as visible and at this point I am more open minded about lack of pregnancy.

What I realized is that I need to dream. I need to think about everything I do and how I can drive my own success and happiness. And I have to be okay with the outcome.

If I am okay with the outcome, and I am grateful for everything that is positive, then I will lead a happy life.

Today is about the present. And I have decided to stop looking back at all the difficult times leading up to becoming a parent. Reflection on hard times is a necessity. We must not forget any part of our life because of how it has shaped us. But I have decided to really try and reflect on wonderful things that have transpired since infertility became a part of my life.

I will still have my days of sadness. I will continue to wonder why having a family is so easy for others and yet the biggest hurdle many others will ever face. But maybe, just maybe this is a step for me in the direction of letting go. Releasing some of the pent up pain that has not allowed me to move on.

*image provided by google images