I was at my cottage this weekend with my family. I don’t get to go up there that often because I work on the weekends. We had a nice time even though the weather was lousy.
When I returned home there was a box of flowers with the vase (which happens to go wonderfully in my living room b/c it is my accent color) from my OMG You Rock partner Jendeis from Sell Crazy Someplace Else. Thank you so much. They are on my mantel to look at all day long.What a fun event. Thank you to Liv for the genius idea. We should find another good reason to exchange things.

Here is something else that was at my door when I returned home. My BFF went to India last month and brought me home this beautiful piece of pottery.

NOTE: My first show and tell post was about my brother’s Ronnie Reagan tshirt. Thus the comments. Because I wasn’t home this weekend my brother’s fanatical relationship with RR was the most interesting thing I could come up with when I was up in the North Country- 1000 Islands, NY.

As of now there is an adoption tax credit set in place by the federal government. Any adoption whether international or domestic allows the adoptive parents a tax credit of nearly $12,000 in 2008. A reader on my blog informed me that the tax credit is only in place until 2010. We need to advocate to get the tax credit extended in order to help potential adoptive parents the ability to afford the costly endeavor of adoption. If you read my previous post, the average cost of any adoption whether domestic or international costs between $25,0000 and $35,000. The tax credit lifts some of the financial burden and for some people gives them the possibility of affording adoption when they otherwise would not be able to.

Here is the comment cut and pasted. Please do what you can to help to get this essential tax credit extended. It is often the saving grace for those looking to adopt. Without this credit hundreds of thousasnd of people may choose not to adopt, and because of this the possiblity remains that hundred of thousands of children will remain orphans, in the US and across the globe.

From Melissa-

Thank you for this and for all you do. One thing I learned yesterday is that the federal adoption tax credit is set to expire in 2010. Unless Congress votes to continue it, but this bill is currently languishing in committee where bills go to die. Below is something from my friend’s blog (I’m not linking b/c right now I’m trying to keep my RL and blogging life separate):The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213 will keep the adoption tax credit from being repealed, and *may* make the tax relief measure permanent.
It only takes a few minutes to email or call your senators and congressmen it’s important for them to hear from families impacted by the tax credit.Currently, there are 76 State Senators and Representatives cosponsoring H.R. 213. However, there are 16 states that currently have no sponsors of this bill, including eight on the East Coast* (one of the largest areas of the US with internationally adopted children). H.R. 213 is currently in committee, where most bills die.
It imperative that adoptive families, and all friends of children waiting for families, act now. Find out which of your congress members support the bill http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h111-213 .
It only takes a few minutes to write, call, or email your representatives and ask them to support H.R. 213. If they are already a cosponsor, please take this opportunity to thank them for supporting this important piece of legislation. Do it today!

Email Your
Representative: https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

Email Your Senator:http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

Go to Mel’s for more Show and Tell

Office Space the movie came out in 1998 while I was in college. We all laughed at the movie and said we would never end up in jobs like that. We were set to graduate in 2000 and most certainly were not planning on sitting in a cube doing a worthless job, making crap for money, and being absolutely miserable like Ron Livingston who played the main character. I mean, c’mon we were Juniors is college drinking Long Island Iced Teas at Kate’s and seeing Mr. Green Jeans at the Balloon on mug night. Office Space was a funny movie; who knew that it would become my life shortly after graduating.

Everyone has to pay their dues in the working world. First jobs are meant to be tortuous, low paying, demoralizing, and plain old boring. I was a foreign language major. I cannot tell you how many times I told people my major and was inevitably asked
“Are you going to be a teacher?”

“Uh, well no. I never even considering being an Italian or Spanish teacher. Education is not my thing.”

“Oh, then what are you going to with that degree?” (chuckle, chuckle)

If they caught me while I was in school, my response was something like, “Work in international business or government.”

Then the the eyebrows raised and the tone completely changed; Suddenly I looked pretty good.

Unfortunately after graduating I moved home to a place where my degree was of no use unless I was an education major- oops. We can’t always plan these things in life. I majored in something I loved and I do not regret it to this day.

I ended up working an entry level position that a monkey could do; I found that out in the first hour of my training. The pay was decent especially since I didn’t have to wait tables and stay up until 2 in the morning in order to collect my tips. But, it was hard adjusting to the grind. Looking back I wonder why I didn’t take some more time to find myself. Probably because my parents paid for me to go away for 2 semesters to study abroad. Anyway, I was good. I spent the summer after graduation working my regular summer gig at an outdoor bar/restaurant with my friends, and then I sent out my resume to the real world. I got a job in September and moved on to a new phase in life: 8-5, bills, 401K’s, happy hours, and discussing with all my co-workers how the F we got these jobs.

No, it wasn’t that bad. I loved my co-workers. I left that job six years ago and still keep in touch with some of them. It was a great learning experience- as most jobs are if you want them to be. It taught me a lot about myself and a lot about what I did not want in a career. Overall it was a great experience.

So I had to go back to the building of my former employer today. It is in the heart of downtown and houses many different companies and agencies including the social security office. I was there to get Luv Bug’s SS# since being adopted. We were unable to file our taxes on time b/c he doesn’t’ have a SS# due to the fact that he just became a citizen – yay luv bug. When I went to another office in Rochester, the “B” behind the counter didn’t know what she was talking about and told me I didn’t have enough information to get a card for him and sent me away seething mad because I knew I had what I needed and she had no idea what she was talking about. Hey you out there. I was right and you were wrong.

Today I was brought back to a time in my life when I was very young, single, finding my way in the world, extremely depressed, dating my future husband and living the life of a 20 something. I left that job when I was given the opportunity to be an Italian teacher at my Alma mater. I taught 7-9 grade Italian for a year. I had absolutely no experience and was scared to death but it was one of the best experiences of my life. I will have to dedicate a separate post about my experience teaching. Incredible!

Today got me to thinking about dealing with infertility in the working world. When I worked in an office with cubicles and hundreds of employees, I was 22-24 years old. I was too busy getting through my hang overs and IM’ing people during working hours to care about babies. I remember there were a couple of baby showers but I wasn’t really paying attention to that dynamic of the office.

When I was struggling with infertility, I was working for my father’s business. I basically determined my own hours so leaving 3 times a week for ultrasounds and blood work did not add any further stress, not really. It was very manageable, a pain in the ass but manageable. I didn’t have to worry about revealing to my boss or co-workers why I was leaving so often. I did not have to face pregnancies and being around the chit chat for 9 hours out of my day.

I had it good and I still couldn’t deal with things. I was still crying at my desk almost every day. I could cry at my desk because I had my own office and I was usually the only one there. I had it good and I still couldn’t make it to work after appointments. I couldn’t be seen in public because my emotions were all over the place. It was hard for me to deal with real issues and be professional. I was a wreck even though I was relieved of a lot of the stress involved with the demanding second job of infertility. I knew at the time I was lucky to have my job. I remember thinking there was no way I could make all of my appointments if I still was a teacher or in my first job.

The conflict of dealing with infertility and holding a job is tremendous. That creates enough stress to knock out an elephant. Add hormones shots, negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, operations, vaginal ultrasounds, constant blood draws, watching co-workers bellies grow by the day, people gushing over their glowing skin and office pools over the sex of the baby and you’re going to have a person who is seriously on the brink of insanity.

I was immune to many of the social situations that can make life unbearable as an infertile; however, I was a complete basket case. It was enough for me to deal with friends and family getting pregnant, questions about our family building time line and loss of my own hopes that I would get to walk around my office with a bulging belly and have my dad brag about his little girl having a baby. I am so sorry for the women out there that not only have to live with the disappointment of IF in the privacy of their own home, but have to go to work everyday hearing about burp clothes, baby sitters and seeing sonogram pictures. I give you credit. You are amazing.

This morning I found myself in the lobby of my former office building heading up to the 14th floor to get a social security card for my son who was born in Korea. Life is crazy and random and hard and wonderful. That was the last obligation in my adoption journey. A huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Soon I will be able to close the 4 inch binder of Luv Bug’s adoption and put it in a safe place. I amy need to dust it off in the near future as a reference guide for another adoption. Or perhaps it will remain amongst his other important things like his first pair of shoes and first report card not to be touched for a decade.

Who knows. Who really knows what lies ahead. I can think and hope and wait but what’s next will come when it comes.

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Tagged by Heather at Geek by Marriage

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

• Warm weather to remain- not 80 one day and 40 the next- ugh
• Going out of town for 4 days next week
• Getting out the spring/summer wardrobe
• Wearing flip flops everyday
• Having BBQ’s
• Finishing my book
• Painting my shutters and trim
• Going on the boat

8 Things I Did Yesterday: (these are so out of order)

• Found out PFM is going to be in Parents Magazine
• Made a new friend
• Started reading “Navigating the Land of IF” (awesome first 45 pages)
• Took a nap
• Had breakfast with Luv Bug and his Ooma and Papa
• Had a glass of champagne
• Picked up my newly upholstered footstool
• Tried to save money

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

• Finish all my painting projects
• Stumble upon wealth
• Go shopping!
• Get a manicure
• Weed my gardens- they’re a wreck
• Get a really good nights sleep
• Have the talent and motivation to cook and prepare good dinners for my family
• Be in a muscial (sounds hokey but I love to sing)

8 Shows I Watch:

• The Biggest Loser
• 60 Minutes
• CBS Sunday Morning
• Survivor
• Yo Gabba Gabba (not my choice)
• Throw Down with Bobby Flay (what a hunk of a man) on Food Network
• Law and Order
• Honestly, usually whatever hubby has on. I don’t really care about TV. And, I never have control of the remote, ever!

8 Things I would do with some extra cash (if I had any):

• Buy a nice dress
• Buy paint and supplies to re-decorate my office
• Get my car detailed and thoroughly cleaned
• Buy a couple of hydrangea bushes
• Get a mani-pedi
• Have my palm read – JUST KIDDING
• Buy a case of Swedish Hill Champagne
• Pay someone to clean all 22 windows in my house

8 Places I’d Like to Travel:

• Ireland
• London
• Korea
• Go back to Italia ( I lived there for 4 months in college. My degree is in Italian)
• Paris
• The North West- Washington, Oregan, Wyoming
• Martha’s Vineyard
• Chicago

I have had several people ask me to post about the costs involved with adoption and different types of adoption. There are many infertiles currently undergoing ART that are considering adoption as an alternative to family building. When AJ and I decided to make a time line for our TTC agenda, we knew adoption would be our next step if ART did not work for us. We researched the costs and programs for a couple of years while we were pursuing ART. We wanted to know how long the adoption could take and costs involved because we were already doing IVF and paying out of pocket for those treatments.

One of the biggest choices for people to make when considering adoption is domestic or international.
Some other big decisions to make include:

• Age of child
• Would you accept special needs
• Openness of adoption- there are more options for dometic adoption than international
• Finding an agency
• Using an agency or going through an adoption attorney- if you don’t go through an agency it is the prospective parents job to locate their own birth mother. (I will go over this in more detail later)
• If international, choosing a country and program
• Average wait time for a referral (when the prospective parents are matched with a child)
• Average wait time after receiving referral (when the child will come home)
• What is the country’s policy on adoptive parents travelling to country (how many times, how long do they need to stay?)
• The costs
• How to pay for the adoption

As you can see there are many, many decisions to be made when tackling adoption. The decision to pursue adoption is overwhelming by itself. For many people the choice means the loss of a biological child and pregnancy. While the potential adoptive parents are excited at the prospect of adopting, there remains grief caused by infertility and loss. That is why when people flippantly say, “Why don’t you just adopt?” they have no idea what an uneducated and insensitive comment they are making.
It’s almost like saying to someone who is facing a life threatening illness, “Why don’t you just take vitamins and go to yoga classes.” No big deal.

First I will tackle the costs involved.

The following information is from an article in Adoptive Families Magazine. I could list the fees associated with my own international adoption, but these figures offer a wider scope.
Keep in mind this is simply an overview.

Note- The federal government currently offers a tax credit to adoptive parents in the amount of $11,650 in 2008. However, you can only file for this credit in the year the adoption was finalized. For example, our son came home in June 2008. It was our agency’s policy to monitor us for six months before releasing our paperwork and allowing us to pursue the finalization of our adoption. This process then took another five months. We will now have to wait to file for the tax credit on our 2009 tax return; therefore, we will have waited nearly 2 years to receive the tax credit to help pay for our adoption.

During 2007-2008 the average cost of any adoption ranged from $25,000-$30,000.
In general, international adoption costs more than domestic. However, part of this is due to the fact that adopting from the foster care system can cost nothing or very little.

Countries offering international adoption vary in costs. Ethiopia is listed as the least expensive program with an average cost of $20,000. Russia is listed as the most expensive program on average at $35,000+. Our adoption from Korea cost $25,000 (through our agency) which as stated before falls in the median cost for adoption in general.

To be continued…

Please visit Jeannes Endo Blog for a very informative post about endometriosis. She is attempting to clear up false information circulating in the press about first and foremost
a cure for endometriosis.
Easily put- there is no cure for endometriosis. Read the post for all the details and facts, very informative and eye opening, and I have endo.