The adoption expeense tax credit was modified and extended as part of the tax bill signed into law by President Bush on June 7, 2001.
Answers are based on IRS and Treasury Department Policy Guidelines.

Q: What does the new law provide?
It provides a tax credit (an amount that can be subtracted directly from the taxes you owe) for expenses incurred in the adoption of a child who is not the child of a taxpayer’s spouse.

Q: What are qualifying expenses?
Reasonable and necessary adoption fees, court costs, attorney fees, traveling expenses, and other expenses directly related to the adoption. You may not claim expenses reimbursed by another source such as an employer adoption benefit. However, as of 2007 you may be able to exclude up to $11,390 from your Adjusted Gross Income for adoption expenses paid by your employer.

Q: How much can I claim?
For domestic adoption the credit is $11,390. It is important to note that even if a domestic adoption does not go through, you can still take the tax credit.
For international adoption the credit is $11,390 but it cannot be claimed if the adoption does not go through. The adoption has to be finalized.

Q: Does the tax credit apply per child or per placement (in case of a sibling group is the family entitled to one or two tax credits?)
The tax credit is per child, not per placement; therefore, a family adoptin siblings would receive a credit for each child.

My friends mother lost her battle with cancer last week. She was only 62 years old. The day after she died my friend gave birth to her second girl. Life moves on.
A former classmate of mine died suddenly in his sleep. He was only 33. He has a wife and 2 young children.
Even though death is a part of life, the shock of its occurrence never goes away. Even for those who are ill and the families are able to plan their deaths do not escape the finality of the passing.
One minute we are here, living and the next we are not.
The death of my friend’s mother signals a new chapter in my life as an adult. I am 30 and our parents are getting older. It is a fact that I hate admitting. My dad turned 60 in December and to me he is still very young, but time is more precious than it used to be.
The death of this young man who is essentially my age is unabashedly mind blowing. All I can think of is the wife and children he left behind and the decades he still had left to be with his family. All I can think of is, what if that happens to me? And, it makes me realize that it can happen to me or anyone else I know.
When I was in my 20’s a couple of people I knew died- one in a tragic accident and one was murdered. Murdered. It seemed impossible then and it still seems impossible. He had just turned 26. It was over five years ago but I still cannot believe that this young man died such a horrible death. He had so much to give to the world.
Every day is a gift. My health is a gift. My family and friends are gifts. I have to make it my mantra to be grateful.
As we are devoured by this recession and the pending depression that is predicted, I can’t help but think, who cares. We’ll make it through. As long as we have each other we will get through these tough economic times. My family joked that we would make huge vegetable gardens in our yards and feed ourselves if it got that bad. We have 200 acres of woods- we’ll burn wood for heat.
My heart is heavy for my friend and her family who will be celebrating the life of their mother, wife, friend and grandmother this weekend. My heart goes out to my fellow classmates and community members whose lives are now changed forever, leading a different course without the man they loved the most.

We received our first donation in the mail yesterday. Thank you.
I sent out invitations to our Free networking event in early March. I look forward to meeting people and explaining what our organization does.
There have been many generous donations for our raffle to take place at the Launch Luncheon in spring. Thank you to those contributors.
This is how things start. First with an idea, then with action, and then with a passion to make others believe in your case. I have a wonderful group of people on my Board of Directors. It is amazing to me that people are willing to donate their time, our most precious comodity. Needless to say I cannot do this on my own. Thank you to those supporting me.
I believe that Parenthood for Me will touch the lives of many people, and only time will tell.

We saved someones dog today. Well, AJ did. There was a dog bedded down in our yard this morning with a collar. AJ tried to coax her over with food, but she wouldn’t come. It took him awhile but he finally got her to come over to him so he could put her on a leash and look at her collar. When he called her parents, the guy said she had been missing since Tuesday. In these frigid temperatures that is scary. He said he would call his wife and she would come and get her. Maggie is her name. They only lived about a mile away and had been looking for her for two days. Maggie was a nice dog. I put Fyn in his high chair to eat breakfast just in case, but she came inside (Lucy was in the basement and not too happy). Maggie mosied around and she finally took some food and water. Her mom showed up obviously relieved to see her baby safe.
If you are a dog owner or just a dog lover, you would understand how emotional this must have been for this woman. I teared up. She hugged Maggie and hugged me and they went home together safe and sound.
When Lucy was a puppy, she got away several times. Even with the “invisible fence” she ended up outside of the boundaries. The second time it happened a young woman called me and said that she had gotten Lucy into her car but as soon as she was in, she jumped back out! That’s Lucy, always looking for an escape route. She just couldn’t wait to be free so she could explore and run. I was so close to getting her back, but then I had to continue to drive around to find her. I drove all through the neighborhood frantically looking for her squeaking her favorite toy. I turned onto St. Paul Boulevard and there she was, all traffic stopped. Someone who had pulled over was trying to coax her to the side of the road. I then pulled my car to the opposite side and she saw me and came running for the car. Thank goodness she was okay.
Lucy did manage to escape a couple of more times- I was crazed because she runs so damn fast and doesn’t look back. Luckily she hasn’t gotten away in almost four years. She has matured somewhat and training has helped, but it is a constant battle to make sure she doesn’t get away. It’s the breed, she is a hunting dog. Running is what makes her happy.
It felt good to help this family out because if Lucy did get away again, I would hope that someone would help to get her home.
Lucy has been such a undying companion to us since we brought her home six years ago. Lucy was our only baby for so long. She brought AJ and I much needed comfort when we were down and out. She is a wonderful dog with a phenomenal personality. She was meant to be ours. The story of how we got Lucy is a testament to fate as well as how Finn came into our lives.
People told us that when Fyn came home, “the dog” would go way down in the rank of the family. She doesn’t get as much attention as she used to for obvious reasons (and she lets us know that she is jealous), but Lucy is just as important to us as she always was.
I will never forget the comfort she gave me when we were trying to conceive. She doesn’t know it, but she was a good crying partner many a time. Luckily she loves to cuddle. She doesn’t judge and all she wants is to be loved.

I have been thinking a lot about how diversity has been a part of my life. As a kid I was always taught that people are people. It doesn’t matter what color or ethnic background they are- we are all the same. Just because someone does something good or bad, they shouldn’t be classified in a race or ethnic group. My parents have always been fair about race and ethnicity. My grandparents must have taught them this. Even though they were all born around 1920 and brought up in a different time, I never once heard one of my grandparents say a discriminatory remark. If they had these thoughts due to their generation and upbringing, I never knew about it.
When did I first notice that people look different? Growing up in a predominately white suburb, diversity was not engrained in my everyday life. I have a distinct memory of my kindergarten class. A boy named J. who lived in the neighborhood was in our class, he was black and for many of the students it was the first time we had a black friend. I remember my teacher talking about different people and we asked J. if we could touch his hair. I have carried this with me through out my life. J. and I used to walk the same way home. At the traffic light with the crossing guard I would go left and he would go right. We got into a habit of racing to the crossing guard.Other memories of diversity in my life include different African American friends in school. In my school district we have a program where students who live in the city and would normally go to a city school attend a school in the suburbs. Otherwise our classrooms would have greatly lacked in diversity. I had a very close friend named K. in fifth grade. The last day of school she knew she would not be back for sixth grade. We were both sad. Even at that young age I think we both knew our paths wouldn’t cross again. I still have notes from her in “my memory box.” There was another great friend named D. He was the sweetest and most kind hearted boy. He left after sixth grade was over and we said our goodbyes. I also have notes from him and fond memories.

However, I know there was not enough diversity in my life growing up. And, I am proud of the changes that are being made in our country today. I am now part of a bi-racial family. I am now part of a diverse community of families who have adopted internationally. I too will have to answer questions about the difference in the way I look and the way my son looks. He will be forced to answer questions from schoolmates and strangers. And, I will have to explain to him why we look different and that it is okay. In fact, we should be so proud.

It is a more tolerant world. I hope that the excitement and enhancement of acceptance will continue to grow. My son won’t know President Obama as the first black president, he will simply know him as President Obama. If Barack makes it to eight years, Fyn will only be 9. Who knows what his world will look like at that time. Hopefully race and ethnicity, straight and gay will lose the definitive nature of their title, and we will start to look at people like people- our neighbors, friends, co-works, teachers, and politicians.

It is hard to be a good friend to someone who is happy about their pending parenthood when you are experiecing IF. It must e especially dificult if they too have struggled with infertility. It is the job of a good friend to push aside any selfish feelings and think of how much your friends deserve to be happy- you just wish it was you.
Infertility makes the “good” news of someone else’s pregnancy sting, and it is such a double edged sword.

In the past I have felt very happy for family and friends, but then the grief would come over me. My rational side knew that it was okay for me to be happy for the lucky couple and sad for myself. I wish it didn’t have to be so hard.

Why should friends and family have to be sad to tell an infertile loved one about their joyous news? I guess everyone is in it together,the joy and the sadness. A muddled mix of emotion with a side of bittersweet.

In the beginning when things were really tough for me, hearing news of a pregnancy was gut wrenching. More so if it was someone I was close to or moderately close to. Now, thank goodness I have moved to a place where the pang of solace is like a catch and release. I don’t think I could have lived the rest of my life with the sadness that I felt for those four years. I begged someone to help me forgo the heavy feeling that my life was on hold and my dreams of motherhood were crushed forever.

Acceptance of our situation turned the tide on my outlook of life. Moving forward with adoption, an idea we tossed around for two years, was scary, exciting, and a little sad all at the same time. We had given up on the idea of pregnancy but opened our hearts and minds to being parents to a wonderful baby somewhere in the world. He or she would come to us by fate- very similar to giving birth.

One can make the decision to be a parent, but the child that comes to them is out of their control. We are all lucky as parents for the children that come into our loves.

Walking in my shoes today probably isn’t so bad. I am a woman with many things going on in my life and the only defining role that is worth a label is motherhood.

In anticipation of the arrival of our son, we had a party. No baby shower for me. I wanted a celebration of the life of our child and what it meant to have him become a part of our family. We had a black and white cocktail party with pictures of Min Man all over the house.

Alot of thought went into this party because it was the first time we had something to celebrate in many years. After all the heartache this was our time to be happy and share our joy with all our friends and family.

I found my dress right away and next came the shoes. I wanted patent leather. I tried on several pairs until I found a pretty pair of Mary Jane black patent leather shoes. They fit perfectly and made the outfit.

I went to get my hair done for the night. I ended up chopping off my very long hair into a bob. I felt great, and when everyone saw my new do that night they said, you look like a mommy. I got a manicure. I was ready to celebrate. New life, new me.

It was a magical night and happiness illuminated the house. There were candles, wine, champagne, favors. Everyone was dressed up and put thought into their black and white outfits.

They were there to support us and excited to meet the new addition to our world.

These will not be official stats but under or over exaggerated statistics of my chances of
(a) getting pregnant and
(b) carrying a fetus to full term- both very challenging for me/us

If coaches were scouting my team, we would not be in the running for fourth string, nor would we even be in the running for water boy/girl. No game winners over here.
My (our) statistics suck. I haven’t gotten to my other installment of my Infertility Story, but I will tell you that I have PCOS, anti-nuclear antibodies (ANA and ANC) that try and kill off new cells a.k.a an embryo, and severe endo (my ovary was fused to my uterus).
We have a male factor problem as well.

I remember when we first started going to the fertility clinic, one of the nurses said to me,” I think that you IF’ers (sounds like MF’ers) go to some sort of “fertility mixer” and meet up with one another.” It was her way of saying that a lot of patients she sees have both male and female factor IF. At the time I felt relief that she was making light of what seemed like a daunting situation. Now I realize she was just being insensitive.

If we hadn’t wasted $20,000 at a hospital that hadn’t even diagnosed me properly, we may have tried IFV a couple of more times. But the well was dry. We had to make a decision to spend money where the odds were 99.9% in our favor. Thus, we turned to Korean adoption.

Family planning is still something I think about often. I think about our options. It’s weird to say that we do have a lot of “options” but most of them don’t interest us such as: donor eggs or sperm, IVF, IUI, adoption of embryos ( have you heard of that yet?) The only option I would put any faith into is surrogacy. I’m pretty sure my body is broken. So, I cannot depend on it to produce a baby. But, maybe someone else’s could.

The idea of surrogacy is just a blip in my mind. Right now I am the mother to a busy little boy who is altogether wonderful and beautiful and the sweetest little thing you could imagine seeing.