Our board of directors convened last week and chose the six applicants who will receive a grant this year. As always the selection process was very difficult. There were nearly 100 applications, and everyone has a difficult and sad story to tell. We wish that every applicant could receive some financial relief.

The 6 grantees have been notified by phone. All others will be receiving a letter in the mail shortly. We thank everyone who applied for their very thorough application. We understand that it takes a lot of time to put together the application.

We are proud to announce that we are giving away a total of $24,000. This is double the amount we were able to give away just two short years ago. We also increased the number of grants from 4 to 6. There are 3 adoption grants and 3 medical grants.

We have already been informed that one of our adoption grantees has brought their baby girl home. And we wait for other great news and updates from previous applicants and this year’s grantees.

PFM is dedicated to helping people achieve their goals of family and parenthood. It is extremely difficult to turn people away especially when the number of applicants grows every year. Those of us on the board and our supporters continue to work hard to gain awareness and plan events to raise funds. We are an all-volunteer organization made up of people who greatly believe in the mission statement.

There is so much more we hope to accomplish. We have many things planned for the future such as educational and support seminars and gaining new partnerships with those in the fields of adoption and fertility. Little by little we are making things happen.

I went to the post office Saturday to buy some stamps and happened to check our mailbox. I could not believe it when I opened a blue envelope revealing a birth announcement. One of our medical grantees gave birth to a baby boy this past March. I cried right then in there in the middle of the post office.

The thank-you note was so sweet. “…you helped make his life possible…”

I am humbled. I am grateful. I am renewed.

Thank you to all of our supporters.

Our next grant cycle opens in January 2013. If you are interested in learning more about our grants visit our website:
www.parenthoodforme.org

If you are interested in learning how you can help Parenthood for Me, email us :
info@parenthoodforme.org

Well, it’s done. We have two children and we are a family of four with our dog, Lucy and bird, Gus. The checks have all been written for our latest adoption except for a couple thousand more dollars for the attorney fee and other immigration fees.

We are extremely happy to have Wee home. Big brother, Min is doing great and makes the baby laugh all the time. We are all settled in living life, enjoying each other.

It took 8 years to become the family of 4 we had hoped to be. Eight years have gone by since we first starting trying to conceive. And I am exhausted. Reoccurring thoughts of a potential pregnancy still fade in and out and may be worth writing about at another time, but right now I am resting my soul. It has been a long 8 years.

Even though most of the adoption paperwork has been processed and we hope to have Wee officially adopted by the fall, we are left with the financial ramifications of a second $25,000 adoption. To date we will have spent roughly $75,000 to be a family of four.

Craziness.

And we would be no where without help from family. While we paid for the majority of everything ourselves, the help we received allowed us to continue on in our journey to the family we had hoped for. And it was our choice to do a second adoption and incur the debt. It was our choice to set aside our dreams of remodeling our kitchen, going on vacations, and postponing ventures for a later date to have another child. But it doesn’t mean that this choice isn’t difficult sometimes.

In the grand scheme of things we are just fine financially, way better off than so many in our country. And this is by no means a complaint post. What I am trying to convey is the financial burden of infertility (which may lead to adoption) that so many face and carries on long after a child comes. In fact, our lack of conceivability may have altered our children’s choices for colleges if they don’t get big scholarships. And if another major crisis were to occur in our family, we would be in a very difficult spot.

I want people to understand that finances is a huge part of the crisis of infertility. And it’s effect can be a huge sacrifice on dreams and future plans just like infertility itself. If a couple decides to do many costly ART procedures without a successful pregnancy, will they be able to move on to adoption?

Or if a couple decides to stop medical intervention and makes the choice to live child-free, how badly have the procedures affected their financial state? On top of a broken heart people are faced with debt. And what is there to show for it?

That’s how we felt after the $25,000 we spent out of pocket on IVF with only one terrible ectopic pregnancy.

For us the money we spent on IVF was all worth it because it was part of our journey to adoption. We found our path and along came our two beautiful boys. But it has changed our financial situation along with many other expectations of being (ahem) near mid-thirties. I know we will rebound from our  tight budget. We had that plan in place when we decided to adopt again. We wanted to provide a sibling for Min but it had to be done the right way for us. Luckily we had the capability to adopt two times.

I am so glad that Parenthood for Me is able to provide some financial relief for people. I know it is providing hope. The grant review committee is now reviewing applications and the winners will be announced in early July. Unfortunately there will be many disappointed applicants. But I hope that we continue to grow and receive more donations in order to help more and more people every year.

The one thing people should not have to lay awake at night thinking about is how to afford parenthood.

This year we are excited to honor Marty Cardona and the late Cecelia Park of Love the Children Adoption Agency at the Parenthood for Me Annual Gala April 21st.

By

Kelly Weishaar
Parenthood for Me Board Member
President, Love the Children of Rochester

“There are currently 13 babies available for adoption.”

Huh?

I had been struggling with infertility for 4 years. I had faced countless medical treatments, losses, and heartaches. My husband and I were in a period of grieving and trying to figure out our next step when something unexpected happened. I was at a meeting at school when I “overheard” a casual conversation that changed my life forever. An administrator at the meeting, Marty Cardona, who also happens to be an adoption caseworker, was explaining how the changing international adoption rules in Korea resulted in many babies becoming available for adoption all at once. Everything became clear to me at that moment. We were a family who needed a baby, and there were babies who needed families.

Becoming a mother through adoption not only brought me my two beautiful children, it brought me in contact with many amazing people. Two of those people, Cecelia Park, Director of Love the Children and Marty Cardona, caseworker for Love the Children not only made an impact on my life but on the lives of thousands of other families and children.

Love the Children is an adoption agency located in Pennsylvania. The agency’s founder, Mary Graves worked with the Korean international adoption program at an agency called Welcome House. On one of her trips to Korea she met Cecelia Park. Cecelia was trained as a concert pianist and was playing at the hotel where Mary was staying. When Mary stopped to ask her for directions, the two women struck up a friendship. Cecelia knew nothing about adoption or adoption agencies but was impressed with the work Mary was doing to help Korean children.

Eventually Cecelia moved to the United States to work with Mary. Shortly after Cecelia arrived, Mary started her own agency called Love the Children. Cecelia was instrumental in forming the relationship between Love the Children and the agency they worked with in Korea called Eastern Social Welfare Society. This close relationship was critical to the success of Love the Children. In 1979 Love the Children placed their first child with a U.S. family. Initially they found homes for older children who were difficult to place and had been living in orphanages for many years. As time went on, the agency started to do more infant adoptions.
As the agency grew, there was a need for more caseworkers to provide social histories and the periodic updates required by Korea. Mary Graves reached out to Marty Cardona and invited her to join the agency.

Marty Cardona and her husband had two biological children but wanted to expand their family through adoption. They were interested in adopting from an Asian country and went with South Korea because it was the most established and stable international adoption program. Marty adopted her daughter through Welcome House which is how she came to know Mary Graves. Marty went on to have two more biological children and then adopted a son from Korea. As Marty went through the process of her daughter’s adoption, she learned about a program through Monroe County Social Services. In 1976 Marty was trained as a “volunteer” caseworker which lead to her job at Love the Children.

In 1997 Mary Graves passed away. Cecelia took over as Director of the agency. Cecelia and Marty became close colleagues and friends over the 30 years they worked together. For Cecelia working in adoption was more than “just a job.” Twenty-four hours a day she was an advocate for the children of Korea. In the beginning, Mary and Cecelia made the two-hour drive to New York City to meet every flight from Korea and welcome each baby to the United States. Cecelia called Korea every evening and was in constant contact with Eastern. When the babies got home, Cecelia called them on the phone. She sang them Korean songs and told them they were safe with their new families. Each summer she traveled to upstate NY to attend picnics and visit with the children and families. Twice a year she went to Korea to visit and check on the babies who were waiting to come home.

Marty Cardona’s commitment to the agency and to the children was equal to Cecelia’s. Over the course of her career she placed approximately 2,500 children with permanent families. She worked primarily in Western NY, although throughout her years with Love the Children she expanded into other areas of NY and PA. Marty’s other “full time” career was being a school principal for Brookshill Elementary School (K-5) in the Fairport Central School District. She retired from being a principal last year, but has continued her work in education by becoming part of the Fairport Board of Education. She also remains active on the board of Love the Children of Rochester.

In 2011 Cecelia Park passed away. Although she is gone, her devotion to the children of Korea lives on. Mary and Cecelia worked hard to create an adoption agency that was different from other agencies. Their commitment to the children of Korea came before anything else. They spent much time and resources giving back to the country they worked with. Although not inclusive, the following is a brief summary of their accomplishments:

-Love the Children required each major city they worked in to establish a parent support group. Rochester’s parent support group has been in existence for 30 years and is still active in our community.

-Love the Children required each family who adopted through the agency to make a commitment to support the children of Korea.

-Love the Children provided Eastern with the van (called the “Love Mobile”) that transports the children from Eastern to the airport to make their flight to the U.S.

-The agency/parent groups raised funds and sent money to Eastern to build a children’s hospital and three schools (elementary, middle school, and high school) for children with disabilities.

A while ago we learned that Love the Children will most likely be closing within the next couple of years. Korea has always desired to end the international adoption program. It is their hope to promote domestic adoption and be able to support needy children within their own country. The international adoption program has seen a great amount of change over the past few years. Although it will most likely continue in some form major changes are expected.

So, while I once considered infertility a curse, I now consider it a blessing. In my heart I know I was supposed to “overhear” that casual conversation about Korean adoption and Love the Children. I am the proud Mommy of two funny, smart, beautiful children. I have also had the opportunity to be part of something bigger. Through the commitment I gave to Love the Children, and through my participation in the local parent support group, in my own small way I too am able to give support to adopted children and the children who remain in Korea.

I am so pleased that Cecelia Park and Marty Cardona are receiving the Commitment to Excellence. I am grateful to them everyday. This award will give other people the opportunity to learn about the amazing work they have done for children and families.

For more information on the gala visit www.parenthoodforme.org